Does it ever get easier?

One of the hardest, yet most relieving realizations I had about weight management is that it's exactly that... management. Whether it's general health, specific metabolic challenges, or weight in general, there's no such thing as a permanent and quick fix, only the illusion and fantasy of it. What got me to where I am today was doing the inner work.

Ironically, the inner work wasn't because I realized that that was the missing piece, the inner work I was doing just happened to be accidental and unplanned in nature because of other challenges in my life, the challenges I faced when I was responsible for more than just myself. What started as selfless, became about self.

Once I started shifting through who I was under the surface of pretense, guilt, shame, inferiority, I began to see how all these things shaped the decisions I was unable to make for me, and how it was easier to bury myself in dopamine high's unable to face the truth of what I was truly feeling. Numb.

Then one day, driving along, thinking about all these profound things, I thought: but what if it's not my fault? That one question changed the trajectory of my life, and I realized that I was not fighting myself, I was fighting a system that was not built or designed to support me.

From that moment, the choices in front of me looked different. I could choose self-compassion. I could choose to look at the smash burger from the drive-through and ask myself… do I need it, or do I want it? I could admit without shame that I was conditioned to want it, and that I did not need it. Then I could step back and ask myself… if I don't need it, but I still want it, what is it I actually need?

The truth - I needed to feel good. And that smash burger was the fastest way to get there. Then I started thinking about what else I could do to feel good, and not make it about toxic food. I started exploring ways to enjoy creating in the kitchen. I found ways to make the things I found appealing in a way that could nourish and heal my body. I started exploring flavours and combinations without reserve like I was a newborn tasting the world for the first time.

My biggest stumbling block? Time. I kept saying I didn't have time. But I was lying to myself. I had time to doom scroll, I had time to go to bed early because I was tired, I had time to sleep in because I wasn't taking care of my sleep health. It wasn't that I didn't have time, it was that my priorities weren't in alignment to my real needs. Getting up an hour earlier meant I had time to pack my food for the day and be prepared. That's self-care.

This is where the maintenance part comes in. It's not always easy. I don't always get it right. I still get frustrated at the scale. Some days I still cave with a spoonful of honey, or too much sourdough. The difference now? I'm aware. I know my limitations. I know my excuses because I've made myself accountable for them.

And most importantly… I'm doing it for me.

I'm doing it for longevity and the beauty that is life. I'm doing it for the blades of grass under my toes 10 years from now. I'm doing it for the sunsets and my horses 20 years from now. I'm doing it for the woman who will be grateful for the woman I am today, 30 years from now.